I want to spend some time talking about uh the feelings that men specifically feel around their victimization as children uh while there's some commonalities between both male child and female child victimization there are some unique uh characteristics uh surrounding uh boy to man if you will sexual victimization let's let's establish this all child sexual abuse is bad it's terrible it's devastating uh to the child but when you layer on some of the societal discussions and norms and beliefs uh surrounding the victimization of a male including things that the young boy heard from his parents from his church from peers you know statements surrounding you know uh gays and and if anybody were to ever try to touch me I would kick their ass and and then I couple that with survivors experiences uh and the trust that they feel tore many times toward their sexual abuser uh the fact that many times the parents know who the abuser is this can create a lot of conflicted feelings and then on top of that you have the perpetrator literally saying uh you know surrounding specifically a very normal physiological response that a male child may have toward being touched and fondled in around on their private areas that can be very confusing and even though we may know as adults that you know they were you know we were a child at the time this took place the fact is uh those feelings can be very very confusing especially when you layer on what the perpetrator was saying that they care about you that they love you uh I've known of some perpetrators who've literally said your parents told you that you're supposed to do whatever I tell you or the fact that you know we send our kids to be coached or to be taught in school by these individuals who are authority figures uh um and we're required to listen to them all of this creates those conflicted thoughts and feelings um the sexual arousal the touches the statements made by the perpetrator or even the circumstances the secrecy surrounding uh those circumstances I always I always want to say and really impress upon you to realize uh that number one your experiences occur when you are a child and thus you thought as a child and you're very easily manipulated and even as an adult today you're not an expert on The Grooming and the manipulation that was taking place you need to speak with somebody obviously who has some professional expertise that can help you understand all those thoughts and experiences and put them in their proper places yes support is huge if you have friends and colleagues or even Network groups that can support you but professional help is really what is needed to help you put those past experiences in their proper perspectives so that you can have a health a happier healthy life healthier life moving forward.
