Confronting the Question “Why Me?”

One of the areas you're going to be dealing with if you have not already which is probably the most unfair of all experiences of survivors of sexual abuse is the issue of why you why why me it's one of the reasons uh I'm doing this video personally because in listening to numerous uh survivors of sexual abuse over the years um as friends and colleagues and as well as through my work as a police detective this question always comes up uh it's the dynamic of blaming oneself one a one area one thing we always have to continue to remind survivors is that it's not your fault and it really isn't it is completely not your fault what happened to you and many times the perpetrators statements made to you some examples I remember many female victims saying that the perpetrator doing the sexual activity would say things like I'm doing this to you because you were bad you were bad in school the child literally interprets that as uh that they did something bad and this sexual activity uh is is a punishment when in fact we know that the Deviant sexually offending perpetrators thinking of a more fantasy type Behavior uh or even uh the conflicts conflicts surrounding that this person is a trusted person uh this is a parent uh this is a very special uncle or friend of the family or member of the church uh and layer on top of that the position of authority that this individual has and the initial feelings uh usually stated by the perpetrator toward the child that this is a very special time or activity of what's taking place and then the realization later in late teens or as an adult even that all this person was doing to you was sexually abusing you for their own personal sexual gratification and why you why did it happen you know the answer is is very very complex uh it is found in understanding uh sex offenders and unfortunately even the institutions and organizations that these offenders operate out whether it's schools or your churches or sports teams or you know organizations like boy scouts or what have you um there is no simple answer and that actually the answer is is in uh that particular type of perpetrator but what you need to understand is that it is not your fault that there's a much more uh malevolent if you will reasons why this individual chose you and it may have been for no other reason that you are available and that this individual had access to you um and that can be very very unfortunate this is all uh reason you should see professional support as well as clinical assistance and helping you better understand this and more issues surrounding your own victimization.