So when I think about um being connected to community and connecting with others in the beginning of this journey of healing that was terrifying to me because so many people in my community harmed me um so many people just thought poorly of me and didn't believe in me and so I went into it with that harm lens I went into it with that lens of um I'm gonna get hurt and it was really hard for a long time to open my heart up to to that when I exited exploitation and trafficking there was a group of church women and I didn't go to church at the time Faith was not spirituality and Faith were not part of my my recovery yet and so I was in that beginning of those the skeptical stage of oh great here are these little church ladies they're going to come in and get their gold star and leave and when they didn't I think that was the point in my in my healing that I realized that there are some good people out there there are some people that truly honestly care and are genuine and are authentic and that was the first time I believe in my life that I had experienced that I was 26 years old and they were able to come in and not in a really overpowering way which I think made a huge difference they were very gentle in their approach they were very much patient with me um they were very much just kept showing up they were consistent they laid boundaries down too and they were consistent and make them that connection and because of them I think they were the bridge to help me see that I could open up and take risks with others possibly that I could maybe start to dip my toe in and see like is this somebody out I want to get to know or is this someone I want to open up to and out of that not out of allowing Community to to care for me allowing community in to see those ugly parts of my past to see those parts that I was just so ridden with shame over just letting them in piece by piece and doing that and then consistently showing up for me I realized in that space that that there's a whole world out there that I need to discover and I need to give myself permission to to care about myself and so as they cared for me I learned how to care for myself for the first time ever which is a whole other journey to community because if I don't care about myself then I'm not really going to open up to community I'm gonna isolate and so it was really this beautiful um tapestry that began to be woven in and I mean there were disappointments along the way too I got to be realistic about that as well but it was all just part of again the messy middle it was a part of opening my heart up and taking risks um my extended Community were also was my therapist and support groups and all of those things that begin to be a part of my daily routine and rhythm and so my encouragement to you is there is community out there later my community became my Survivor Community those with other lived experiences that were similar to mine and and we found a whole way of being and encouraging one another there so there's different communities out there really that I engage in for different needs that I have in my life and so just going and looking for those and taking that risk and allowing other people in is so important in this in this healing journey and it's so beautifully beneficial and rewarding too.
